Here's my transcription from The UCSB Cylinder Audio Archive:


RETURN OF THE ARKANSAS TRAVELER
As recorded by Ada Jones and Len Spencer, Indestructible Record: 3108, 1910.

[Plays middle part of tune.]
MANDY: Hiram?
HIRAM: Yes.
MANDY: Hiram!
HIRAM: Yes!
MANDY: Ain't you started for that sugar and 'lasses yet?
HIRAM: No. Ain't got but one egg.
MANDY: Then get one egg's worth o' sugar, and tell the store man the black hen's settin', and to trust you for the 'lasses till she cackles.
HIRAM: All right. Why, how-d'ye-do, stranger?
STRANGER: Stranger? Why don't you remember me? Look again.
HIRAM: No, don't recollect ye, but your umbarelly looks mighty familiar.
STRANGER: Why I've had this umbarella the Lord knows how long.
HIRAM: Well, I reckon it's just about that long I ain't had mine. Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: Say, you gonna play that old fiddle forever?
HIRAM: Not quite. I don't think I'll live that long. Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: Say, uh, what's become of that horse you used to drive?
HIRAM: Well, he got so thin that when the circus came to town, I painted him and sold him for a jayraffe.
MANDY: Ha! How's that for...?
HIRAM: Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: You don't want to buy a good horse, do you?
HIRAM: Well, how good?
STRANGER: Goes ten miles without stopping.
HIRAM: Guess not. It's only seven miles to town. I'd have to walk back three every time I went there. Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: Well, how do you manage to live here the way you do?
MANDY: He don't manage at all. I do the managin'.
HIRAM: That's what she does.
[Plays middle part of tune slowly.]
STRANGER: What do you do for exercise?
HIRAM: See that big oak as you come around the bend?
STRANGER: Saw a tree lying across the road. What of it?
HIRAM: Chopped it down this mornin'.
STRANGER: I see, but what'll you do for exercise tomorrow?
HIRAM: Chop it up.
MANDY: Well, see that you do.
[Plays middle part of tune slowly.]
STRANGER: I notice that you have a bad cold. Are you doing anything for it?
HIRAM: Coughin'. [Coughs.]
STRANGER: Why don't you take something for it?
HIRAM: 'Cause nobody's fool enough to give me anything for it.
MANDY: Ha! That's a good get off! Here, chick-chick-chick-chick! Come, chick-chick-chick-chick!
STRANGER: Is there any way of telling a hen's age?
HIRAM: Yes.
STRANGER: Why, how?
HIRAM: By the teeth.
STRANGER: But a hen has no teeth.
HIRAM: Well, I have. Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: I see you fixed that leak in your roof.
HIRAM: No, sir, that's Joe Miller's roof you're a-lookin' at.
STRANGER: Why, how's that?
HIRAM: Cyclone blowed down here some time ago and swapped roofs. I got Joe's and he got mine.
MANDY: Our'n, you mean.
HIRAM: That's right.
STRANGER: Well, that was good.
HIRAM: No, that was bad, 'cause our roof had a fifty-dollar harness hangin' to the rafters.
STRANGER: Well, that was bad.
HIRAM: No, that was good, 'cause our horse died the day before.
STRANGER: Well, that was good.
HIRAM: No, it was bad, 'cause the horse and harness belonged to my father-in-law, and he cut me out o' his will.
STRANGER: Well, that was bad.
HIRAM: No, that was good, 'cause he made his will in favor of his only daughter and she's my wife.
MANDY: That's who I be.
STRANGER: Well, surely that's good.
HIRAM: No, it's bad, 'cause all he left was his darned ol' … he owned—
HIRAM AND MANDY TOGETHER: And we had to bury him!
[Plays middle part of tune.]
STRANGER: Say, for goodness sake, why don't you play the first part of that piece?
HIRAM: Well, I will.
[Plays a few notes.]
Now, now, now, wait a minute.
[Plays a few notes.]
Nope, that's the second part.
[Plays a few notes.]
Say, stranger, I ain't played that for years, and I clean plumb forgot it.
STRANGER: Well, now you let me have the fiddle a minute. I think I can play it for you.
[Plays entire 'A' part of tune.]
HIRAM: Well, by hooky, I remember you now, stranger. You are the fella that showed me the second part o' that tune ten years ago, and by heck, Mandy, that is my umbrelly!