This song is far inferior, in my opinion to the others already posted, but still it's interesting to see variations on the theme:


SANTA'S DUI: A CAUTIONARY CHRISTMAS TALE
As recorded by Gallagher's Twin (2014); tune = "Jingle Bells"

Crashing through the door on a blustery afternoon,
With a six-pack in one hand, about three weeks too soon,
Came Santa in his sleigh, too drunk to drive his team,
Laughing in his way, it had to be a dream.

Oh, Santa's toast, but as a boast, he threw up on my floor.
He stumbled round, fell to the ground and woke up drinking more.
His beard's been tussed(?), head concussed, the kids are all a fright.
No need to leave your milk or cookies sitting out tonight.

Santa's sleigh was wrecked; the reindeer all were bruised.
When the cops arrived upon the scene, St. Nick was getting nude.
Dasher and Dancer cried; Comet and Cupid fled;
But even more than Rudolph, Santa's drunken nose was red.

Oh, Santa's buzzed; he met the fuzz, and it was quite a sight.
He did his best, but he failed his test, so he'll be locked up tonight.
Santa's drunk as a skunk; I saw him go to jail.
There may not be a Christmas if he cannot make his bail.

Santa went to court; to plead his case he tried,
But Mister Scrooge the judge said "Bah! Humbug!" to his bride.
So when Christmas day is here and you want to drink again,
Before you crack that beer, think of Santa in the pen.

Oh, D. U. I.! He cannot fly; the north pole's in a hush.
Mrs. Claus is at a loss 'cause Santa is a lush.
Christmas cheer is nowhere near with Santa locked away,
So Betty Ford, who'll be adored, came in to save the day.