Flying visit as I've been up to eyebrows in USA visit with my Mom and her stroke, (OctobeR) followed immediately by house move from Essex to Shropshire, (November) followed immediatley by critical needs of parents in law in Stratford u Avon (both alternating going into and out of hospital) prior to Christmas. We got 24 hour care in place for a second time (Dad dismissed the first arrangement the day after he got out of hospital and the day after that Mum fell, hit her head hard enough to land in hospital). New and current carer started Christmas eve. Between Dad's hospital stay and now we've been marathon visiting. Deep cleaned kitchen cupboards and drawers as every piece of cutlery, crockery, glass, had been put away unwashed. Presoaked, bleached, boil washed every tea towel and bed linen. Washed all of Dad's stump socks as he had dumped them all in hamper with a sopping wet bath mat when went mouldy. I brought home 6 large bin bags of dirty laundry on Boxing day after cleaning out the master bed room wardrobe. We threw away 4 large bags of clothes to soiled or damaged to salvage. I have been using antibacterial laundry additive to kill the smell (Mum's double incontinence) and ironing everything I can just to be extra certain it is germ free.
Things have settled down for them and Dad is much more accepting of the care package and our help. Dad is pressing Chris and his sis to arrange power of attorney. They will have to make other arrangements re Mum's savings (where Dad has been putting all his money) as she is not mentally competent to sign and papers. They are taking advice form Age Concern. Tomorrow we take some more clean clothes for mum which I altered to fit her as she has gained quite a bit of weight. And we will clear all the drawers and wardrobe in the carer's room to give her more space to put her things. This means more laundry but it shouldn't bee too much. It is the going through Mum's notes and photos and cards that is breaking me. There are probably about 22 more drawers and 8 cupboards to go through. She has been tidying things away in them for 4 years. Found an note she scribbled on back of greeting card dated 1996 stating that she wished for an happy exit from illness and old age with the assistance of brandy and tablets and would her loved ones please not try to revive her. I wept, composed myself then found a photo of her holding hands with her daughter from a few years ago around the time we all discovered she had developed dementia. They both look on the verge of tears. And I fell apart again. I am happy to be doing this for the family though. My sister in law said it was very difficult for her to do this with her mother in law's effects. Didn't think she could cope with sorting through her own Mum's memories.

Wendy (Billybob). I salute you! You have helped your mother make a very graceful end. You gave her a safe place to progress through her illness. No one could hope for a better passing.


All seems settled now that