COUSIN JOHN AND COUSIN MABEL
Words by Cy Coben; tune: "Humoresque"
As recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Cornfucius Say" (1964)

Cousin John and Cousin Mabel
Wanted kids but weren't able.
John went to a doctor who told him:
"Eat lots o' seafood for a year."
John made that seafood disappear.
It did no good but you should see him swim.

Mabel said: "The fault is mine.
I think that it's adoption time."
And soon a bundle she was holdin' tight.
She cuddled it and kitchy-cooed
While John would just set there and brood.
He'd have to walk that little dog at night.

Mabel was ugly.
She was so ugly,
She fell down the stairs and it improved her looks a lot.
John called her kitten.
She must have been a kitten.
Folks would look at her and say: "Boy, what a puss she's got!"

Mabel bought her John a present.
She knew he like huntin' pheasant.
She bought a bird dog with a shaggy coat.
Now John's mad at her, I hear.
He's had that bird dog for a year,
And that bird dog hasn't sung a note.

Cousin John bought Cousin Mabel
A fur coat he said was sable.
She was proud when he gave it to her.
Now his life's not worth a dime.
Cats walk behind her all the time
Carryin' signs that read: "You murderer!"

Mabel kept rabbits
Right in their bedroom.
Poor John took to sleepin' with a clothespin on his snout.
He'd open the window
And let fresh air in,
But if he did that, then all his pigeons would fly out.

Marriage is like jail, no doubt:
Getting' in's not hard, it's a-getting' out.
Sometimes I think it shouldn't be allowed.
Take John and Mabel's friendly tip:
Marriage can spoil a good friendship.
After the wedding you may find that two's a crowd.