Reputedly written by Leslie Sarony, and recorded by him, but I couldn't find a copy of his recording, so I transcribed this one instead:


COOM PRETTY ONE
As recorded by Tommy Handley, 1934.

1. A little north-country girl next door to me
Every morn at her window I see.
Pieces of bread for the birdies she brings,
And as she feeds them she merrily sings:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom in my garden and whistle and hum.
Coom to my window and pick up this crumb.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

2. A great big fat spider each morning I see,
Spinning his web just as fast as can be.
'Long comes a fly not too terribly wise.
Fat spider spies him and artfully cries:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom in my parlour and don't look so glum.
I think that you'll make some nice chewing gum.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

3. One day I went cruising and landed in Spain.
A Spanish senora there drove me insane.
Her eyes full of passion—you know what I mean—
She said: "Kiss me just like they do on the screen.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"
Her lover came up and cried: "Fee fie foe fum!"
He stuck his stiletto in my rum-tum-tum.
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

4. One night at our party it spoiled ev'rything
When nobody there at the party could sing.
So I got our old Gorgonzola instead.
I lifted the cheese dish and sweetly I said:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Before you go into the dustbin, old chum,
We know you're no crooner, but blimey, you hum!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

5. When I married sweet little Pansy in June,
She would take her mother on our honeymoon.
With her mum she went up to bed for a start.
I knocked at the door and I said: "Have a heart!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
We're on our honeymoon, Pansy, my plum.
Open the door, love, and chuck out your mum.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

6. One day in my bathing suit I looked a fool
With nothing but girls in the old swimming pool.
I stood on the edge, then a brazen young maid,
She pulled me right in and said: "Don't be afraid.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"
The water was cold and I felt oh so numb.
A big fat girl said as she dived off my tum:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one!