That Dirty Little Coward! by Rick Fielding, Jeri, Sinsull, and Áine

Jessie James was a man, who decided to retire.
And he knew the law would never leave him be.
So he faked his own death, and left the old wild weatht
and when people said "where's Jesse".........said "beat's me."

He put away his six guns, his cowboy hat and boots,
and opened up a wee cross-dresser's shop.
and the townsfolk all knew Jesse, as "the lady known as Toots"
and in his yard he grew a marihuana crop.

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Oh Jesse was a wife, who went and changed his life,
but he couldn't have no children strong and brave.
He looked like Leslie Howard, and talked just like Noel Coward
and no one ever saw him feeling grave.

Jesse robbed from the poor and gave to the rich
He never did a friendly thing
And when his best friend died
He was right there by her side
And he lifted off her golden wedding ring

He was J. Frank D unless he really was Jesse
So they dug his corpse from its eternal bed
But someone dropped the ball and they really dug up Holland
And the only thing we know for sure is they're all dead

Chorus

Now Jessie's DNA was a match for ol' O J
Likewise the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Did Elvis meet his end, where are Roswell's little men?
Of conspiracies I'll surely never tire.

Henry H. thought Grapevine a lovely place
To lay down at last upon his face,
He couldn't then know how he would harm,
The search for Jesse with his one arm.

Chorus