The Woes of the Gentlemen's Club by Amos and Lonesome EJ
Come all ye Playboy Playmates, wherever ye may be
I hope you'll pay attention, and listen unto me
For well ye know the shimmy, and the rassle and the blow
That keeps the money coming in, in the house in Chicago
Chorus:
Oh it's dark as a dungeon, and damp as the dew!
Where the dangers are many, and the gentlemen few!
For the guests are as randy as a billy goat's cub!
Oh, it's dark as a dungeon in the Gentlemen's Club!
When first I left my native farm, a tender miss alone
I had just a pair of thirty-eights, nothing else to call my own
Oh little did I understand the whacky rodeo
That I soon would be embroiled among
In the house in Chicago
Chorus
Come gather round Playmates and pay me your mind
Seek not your fortune in the Bump and the Grind
Disdain all the drunkards who pinch, grope and rub
It's dark as a dungeon in the Gentleman's Club.
Chorus
When first I did come there, a maiden so willing
I thought 'twas no harm, and I needed the shilling!
But the leering and whistles, they made my head whirl!
And I found that the Club was no place for a girl!
Chorus
They'll measure you up, and they'll calm all your fears
And they'll makeyou cavort in those cute bunny ears
And then the photographer offers his stub!
Bad cess to the owner of the Gentlemen's Club!
Chorus
Your smile quickly fades, and your spirits do fail
When first you go forth in the vile Cotton Tail
In the smoke and confusion and the noise of the band!
Then your cotton tail falls to a customer's hand!
Chorus
Oh the bodice it crimps you and gives you false airs
And the high heels are murder, when climbing the stairs
And the drunks are disgusting, the horny old tubs!
Bad cess and farewell to the Gentlemen's Club!
Chorus
I fear, as I age, and the days roll along
That someday my stomach will cover my thong
Then I'll sunbathe on the porch at the Old Playmate's Home
And pity those geezers still a-diggin' my bones!
Oh it's dark as a dungeon, and damp as the dew!
Where the dangers are many, and the gentlemen few!
For the guests are as randy as a billy goat's cub!
Oh, it's dark as a dungeon in the Gentlemen's Club!
Oh it's dark as a dungeon, and damp as the dew!
Where the dangers are many, and the gentlemen few!
For the guests are as randy as a billy goat's cub!
Oh, it's dark as a dungeon in the Gentlemen's Club!
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