I found this recording on YouTube (and there is another copy here) and checked the lyrics carefully. I have boldfaced the words that are different from the ones posted by katlaughing at the beginning of this thread.


SANTA GOT A DWI
As recorded by Sherwin Linton on "Christmas Memories" (1996)

Santa won't be back next Christmas Eve.
It sounds strange, I know; it's hard to believe,
But the state patrol's watchin' ever'body these days.
He was weavin' in the sky in his reindeer sleigh.

So they radioed to every cop in the state
That it was only a matter of a minutes [sic] to wait.
When he landed on a housetop, there they were,
Tellin' Santa to exhale in a Breathalyzer.

But Santa refused to take the Breathalyzer test.
"In that case, buddy, you're under arrest."
They frisked him where he landed on that little housetop,
Found a mini'ture bottle of-a peppermint schnapps.

CHORUS: Santa got a DWI.
For weavin' around in the sky.
Believe me: I wouldn't lie.
Whoa! Santa got a DWI.

They took Santa down to the county jail,
Gave him one phone call to raise ten thousand bail.
By some strange note, Santa called me,
Said he needed ten grand just to set himself free.

I told him I'd get on it and do what I could do,
But I can't make anyone believe my story is true.
Just trying to help Santa, I don't mean no harm.
Now they're tryin' to put me in the funny farm.

They impounded Santa's sleigh and his reindeer too,
And they'll probably end up in the city zoo,
And there won't be any Santa next Christmas Eve.
I can't raise his bail; no one will believe.

CHORUS

There's a moral to the song: don't be mad at MADD.
If you have a few nippers[?], better catch a cab.
Don't ever try to drive if you can't walk,
'Cause even old Santa ain't above the law.

REPEAT CHORUS SEVERAL TIMES.
REPEAT LAST LINE OF CHORUS SEVERAL TIMES AND FADE.


["DWI" is pronounced "dee-dubya-eye"—4 syllables.]
["Santa Got A DWI", recorded as a single by Sherwin Linton, was mentioned in Billboard Magazine, Dec. 13, 1986.]