The University of Illinois at Chicago has the sheet music:


I DON'T CARE IF I NEVER WAKE UP
Words and music by Paul J. Knox, ©1899.

1. There's a certain yellow coon lives in this town.
He's as lazy as he can be.
At a Chinese laundry he hangs around.
"I likes my hop" says he;
But the other day this man got drunk,
And a pipe full of dope he bought.
He went to sleep, dreamt he was rich,
And then to himself he thought.

CHORUS 1. Well, I don't care if I never wake up.
Sportin' life is a-killin' me.
I'm worth a million in-a my dream.
If I wake up, I'll be broke, you see.
Well, there ain't nothing like livin' like a king,
And a-drinkin' from a silver cup,
So, coons, you can pass, for you're out of my class.
Don't care if I never wake up!

2. This coon in a dream played policy,
Won a roll as big as his head.
Says he. "I'm rich; I'll sport 'em high.
I'll-a paint this here town red."
But in the night, through the window came
A thief, and the money he spied.
At the break of day when the smoke cleared away,
Then groaning to himself he cried.

CHORUS 2. Well, I don't care if I never wake up,
'Cause I cert'nly was a-livin' high.
You bet I'd 'a' bought this here whole town
If the clouds hadn't 'a' rolled by.
I never will brag on what I's got—
Many a slip 'twixt the lip and cup.
I'll take another pill to stop this nervous chill.
Don't care if I never wake up!

3. On election day he went to sleep,
Dreamt he was a candidate,
Thought all the coons was votin' for him,
And they told him just to wait;
But early next morning while still in bed,
This word to him was sent.
To smoke up again, for he was beat,
And a woman was president.

CHORUS 3. Well, I don't care if I never wake up.
Wish I'd never come out of my trance.
Them women will make it hot for us,
If they're goin' to put on the pants.
They'll have us a-washin' and a-nursin' all the kids,
And the beds we'll have to make up;
So I's gwine back to bed, put the cover on my head.
Don't care if I never wake up!

4. To a fancy colored ball this coon he went.
Says he: "I'll be ace high."
At the door he found he was a deuce,
And they told him to brush by.
Then he started some trouble with the ticket man,
Got a bustin' in the head;
Then to himself he sang this song,
As they carried him out for dead:

CHORUS 4. "Well, I don't care if I never wake up
Till these coons get through with me.
If I ever come to, I's a-comin' back.
I'll-a make them climb a tree.
Wish I'd 'a' never come to this place,
'Cause I feel like a yellow pup;
So, coons, I'll pass, for you're out of my class.
Don't care if I never wake up!"

5. "I like my chicken," this coon once said,
"To a hen-roost I will go.
If there's any fat pullets a-hangin' around,
They'll soon be mine, you know."
But he got there late, found a big bull dog
And a chicken roosting side by side.
He grabbed that fowl, jumped over the fence,
And then to the dog he cried:

CHORUS 5. "Well, I don't care if you never wake up.
This pullet am in my hand,
And you don't stand no chance to catch
This respectable colored man.
I ain't scared of knives and guns,
Much less of a lazy pup;
So keep on a-sleepin' while this nigger am a-creepin'.
Don't care if you never wake up."