There's a woman who is being ordained a Roman Catholic Womanpriest, and she wants this song sung at her ordination. She had heard Faith Petric sing it years ago, so she wrote to the Harmony list of the San Francisco Folk Music Club for lyrics. I'll try verify and correct the lyrics later. This is what was posted to the Harmony list:

If You Haven't Got A Penis Then You Can't Become A Priest
Lyric: Dean Morgan   To the tune of Turkey in the Straw

Well, I know a Catholic woman who's devout to say the least
Her major life ambition was to be a parish priest
She applied to seminary they told her get on the run
The priesthood's just for men, you can only be a nun

chorus:
If you haven't got a penis then you can't become a priest
This archaic stipulation should have long ago been ceased
Of God and faith and scripture man and woman both can talk
What's more you serve communion with your hands and not your cock.

So she went to the monsignor in her never-ending search
To find out if there's any place for women in the church
He said that we can use them in our hospitals and schools
But if you want to be ordained, man, you gotta have some tools

Chorus

Oh, you might believe in God as much as anybody can
And you may know the bible just as much as any man
You can't wear the cleric collar, you can't hold the holy chalice
You can't celebrate the mass all because you lack a phallus