NANNY'S PORTRAIT; OR, PAST AND PRISSINT

A RECITASHUN

ONE neet beside the fire aw wes sittin, camly smokin,
Dreamin nearly ivrything, an' nowt porticklor, tee;
Me eyes fell on the pictors that wes hingin close abuv us,
An' awcuddent help reflectin on the changes that we see.
A likeness 0' me muther's cussin seemed te dare inspection,
Wiv its glarin, gawdy eullors that cud only bring te mind
Me attempts at myekin pictors when at scheul, nowt but a laddy,
Aw wes always spoilin paper wi'just paintins 0' that kind.
They called this thing a portrait that wes hingin there se brazend!
Awetter-cullor'd work ovairtl-aw lafft the mairawsaw'd.
Thinks aw, whey,yor a fashun that 'illnivvor mair be wanted,
An' aw'll nivvor hey anuther beauty like ye if aw knaw'd.


Next me eyes fell on a pietor (aw caned pictor for a bynyem!)
Awwundor'd whe had ivor teun the trubbil for te framed.
It was meant for Bill, me unkil, at least, so Aunt Bessy tell'd us;
"Then he mun heh been a blacky, aunt!" aw laffinly exclaimed.
For whereivor aw cud see the likeness iv a black piece 0' paper
Clagg'd ona bit 0' pyest-board, an' stuck up agyen the wall,
Aw cud nivvor yet imadgin, tho, mind, not for want 0' tryin;
Thinks aw, if Bill's a beauty, te see'd here the chance is small.
An' they called this thing a portraitl-'twes hingin there se black-like, .
Luckin like a paltry plaything, an' not even worth the nyem:
For its reet nyem's "Imposition," myed te catch greenhorns that fancy
They can trace a faint risemblance where ne likeness hes a hyem.
Next me eyes fell on a portrait byethweel worth the name an' notis,
An' it seemed te knaw the place it held, te shem them biv its side;
It myed us bliss Photography, that wonderful invention,
For the pictor wes eneuff'te filla fellow's breest wi'pride.
Then the likeness wes se bonny, an' se strikin, an' se lifelike,
Whey, in fact, 'twes just the model 0' me canny sweetheart Nan!
Aw cud fancy her beside us, an' cud nearly think her speakin,
An' me heart beat high te think sum dayaw'd be her awn gudman!
Aw mind the day that it wes teun, aw thowt a' wimmin simple,
Except i' hoosehold duties, where thor always quite at hyem:
She teuk an oor te get her hair put up in proper order,
An' blushed when she went i'the place as if she thowt a shem.


The artist tell'd her just te luck at one place for a minnit,
But she niver teuk her eyes awayfrae that spot a'the time;
She kept them there while he wes dein sumthing i' the cupboard,
Where photographic artists work thor mysteries sublime.
When it was seen, Nan's eyes wes starin like two cheeny sawsors;
He tried anuther, when she had two heedsinsteed 0' one;
She squinted i'the next un ; an'the chep wesfairlybothered.
Says he, "If ye'll keep still, in half-a-minnit aw'll be deun."
At last she did keep stiddy.an'her bonny eyes they glissen'd
When she saw the pictor finished that's se varry dear te me;
But seun aw'll hev its marrow in the hoose, alive, beside us,
An' aw'll bliss the happy pictor that thor's sartin for te be.

-Source: Joe Wilson, (author) Songs and Drolleries, 1890