LAZY JACK!

TEUN- "The Sewing Machine."

JACK wes a real gud workman,
His shopmates a' knew that;
But whenivor he got drink,
He'd nivvor strike a bat.
His mates wes all sober men,
An' diddent like te see
A clivor hand like Lazy Jack
Se often on the spree.

Korus

He wad hardly work a week,
Before he got the sack;
'Twes a pity te see
Such a man on the spree
Wiv a nyem like Lazy Jack!

His wife wes full 0' trubble,
An' mony weary days,
She'd humour him or scowld him
Te myek him mend his ways.
An' Jack wad say he wad did,
But when she turned her back,
He'd say, "Ne wark for me the day!"
Weel nyem'd wes Lazy Jack.

He'd often tyek a bottle,
When he wes on the spree,
Te drink at hyem, throo the neet,
A real dry chep was he.
He'd put it in the cupboard,
An' reckoned such a treat,
The time his wifewes fast asleep,
Te fuddle a' the neet.

One neet, mair drunk than ivor,
He got up for a drink,
An' seized another bottle
Afore he'd time te think.
He swally'd a gud moothful,
An' then wi' fear wes dumb:
He fund 'twas "Furnitor Polish"
An' not Jamaica Rum.

"What's this?" he cried; "aw's deun for.
Whativor is this stuff?
It's neither rum nor whiskey,
Aw's setisfied eneuff.
Gud-bye, maw ill-used wifey!
Aw'm deed I-aw's on me back!
An unintended suicide's
Yor husband, Lazy Jack!"

He thowt that he wes poisin'd,
Be gud luck he wes not;
But it gov him such a fright,
It changed him frev a sot
Tiv a useful sober man. Says he,
"If folks wad think,
An' dreed poisin noo as aw did;
They'd nivvor ne mair drink!"

Korus

A simple cure's often best,
So here aw'll end me crack;
But away an' at hyem,
Thor's a change tiv his nyern,
It's canny Industrious Jack.

-Source: Joe Wilson, (author) Songs and Drolleries, 1890