A DRUNKEN MAN!

'TEUN- "The Cork-Leg."

IF ivor ye want te hear black's white,
If ivor ye want a reglor fight,
Hoo seun the flame ye can easily fan,
If ye contradict a drunken man.

Let him say owt, an' ye divvent agree,
If ye tell him he's rang, he'll let ye see
That ye cannet be reet withoot his plan;
An' thor's nyen se wise as a drunken man.

He'll say his wife's the best i' the toon,
An' the varry next minnit knock her doon,
An' hammer her heed wi' poker an' pan:
A deevil on orth is a drunken man.

He'll grummil at owt, an' hey his way,
An' contradict ivry word ye say;
The subject 'ill finish where ye began,
Withoot thor's a fight wi' the drunken man.

He'll tell ye what he's deun iv his days,
An' stick atnowt if it's just self-praise;
The Lord 0' Creation here ye'll scan:
Chock-full 0' conceit is the drunken man.

He'll brag ova' that belangs te him,
His Uncle Bob and his Cousin Jim;
His tarrier dogs, that's black an' tan,
Is a subject grand for the drunken man.

He'll tell ye that he's canny an' croose,
Wiv a cumley wife an' a forst-rate hoose,
An' thor's nyen such happiness can span;
But ye munnit believe a drunken man!

-Source: Joe Wilson, (author) Songs and Drolleries, 1890