my favorite on this subject: THE SPIDER IN THE BATH Flanders and Swann I have fought a grizzly bear, tracked a cobra to its lair Killed a crocodile who dared to cross my path But the thing I fairly dread, when I’ve just got out of bed Is to find that there’s a spider in the bath I’ve no fear of wasps or bees, mosquitos only tease I rather like a cricket on the hearth But my blood runs cold to meet, in pajamas and bare feet With a great big hairy spider in the bath. I have faced a charging bull in Barcelona I have dragged a mountain lioness from her cub I’ve restored a mad gorilla to its owner But I don’t dare face that tub! What a frightful-looking beast, half an inch across, at least! It would frighten even Superman or Goth There’s contempt it can’t disguise in the little beady eyes Of the spider sitting glowering in the bath It ignores my every lunge with the bath-brush and the sponge I have bonked it with A Present From Penllarth It just rolls into a ball, doesn’t seem to mind at all And simply goes on squatting in the bath For hours we have been locked in endless struggle I have lured it to the deep end, by the drain At last I think I’ve washed it down the plug-hole But here it comes a-crawling up the chain! Now it’s time for me to shave, though my nerves will not behave And there’s bound to be a fearful aftermath So before I cut my throat, I shall leave this final note: Driven to it by the spider in the bath!
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