Having been on both ends of this equation, I would suggest--and this is a very difficult suggestion, I know--but maybe the best thing is to let Kate work at this herself for a while. Be right there, and make sure she knows that you are right there...but...sometimes a thing cut so deeply that there is almost a sacredness in it, and talking about it seems trivial and pointless. Especially with the guilt and anger, even though it sounds terrible to say, sometimes people WANT to blame themselves because it is easier to feel responsible than admit that the problem was out of your hands.

I think the biggest help you can give is to show your kids how much you love them and support them, and you are already doing that! Many many prayers are headed your way. i hope you all find a healthy way to work through this. Hugs, Becca

P.S. Be gentle to yourself...you have grief to deal with too.