DINKY DI
(Anon)

He came down to London and straightaway strode
To army headquarters on Horseferry Road
To see all the bludgers who dodge all the strafe
By getting soft jobs on the headquarters staff
Dinky di, dinky di
By getting soft jobs on the headquarters staff

The lousy lance-corporal says, "Pardon me, please
You've mud on your tunic and blood on your sleeve
You look so disgraceful that people will laugh"
Said the lousy lance-corporal on headquarters staff
Dinky di, dinky di
Said the lousy lance-corporal on headquarters staff

The digger just shot him a murderous glance
Says he, "I'm just back from the balls-up in France,
Where bullets are flying, and comforts are few
And brave men are dying for bastards like you!"
Dinky di, dinky di
And brave men are dying for bastards like you!"

"We're shelled on the left and we're shelled on the right
We're bombed all the day and we're bombed all the night
And if something don't happen, and that very soon
Dinky di, dinky di
There'll be nobody left in the bloody platoon!"

The question soon came to the ears of Lord Gort
Who gave the whole matter a great deal of thought
He awarded the digger a VC and two bars
For giving that corporal a kick up the arse
Dinky di, dinky di
For giving that corporal a kick up the arse

This version as printed in John Fahey's 'Great Australian Folk Songs'. Fahey notes that 'verses and variations are endless'. One version has this final stanza:

Now when this war's over and we're out of here
We'll see him in Sydney town begging for beer
He'll ask for a deena to buy a small glass
But all he'll get is a kick in the arse
Dinky di, dinky di
But all he'll get is a kick in the arse

The song is included in Bill Scott's 'Second Peguin Australian Songbook' under the title 'The Digger's Song' with this chorus:

Dinky di, dinky di
For I'm an old digger and can't tell a lie

Danny Spooner recorded it on his 'ard Tack' album without any chorus.

Youtube clip

--Stewie.