It is useful to look back and see how we have actually cleared many seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our lives, and climbed out of what seemed at the time bottomless chasms. Nearly 3 years ago our eldest niece died from alcoholism at the age of 31. I believe the root cause of it was depression which had gone unnoticed, but by although she eventually admitted the problem to her doctors and her parents, she couldn't face her husband with it and talk to him, even though he knew. Her father is diabetic and her long final illness and subsequent death upset his auto-immune responses, and he developed vasculitis which went undiagnosed for several months until he was so bad that morphine wasn't working on the pain. (He has to be careful with any drug treatments because he is asthmatic and also has irrhthmia). He is eventually beginning to regain some quality of life, although he has some "off" days. He and his wife have dealt with Sarah's death admirably, and we are all able to talk and laugh at times about her memory. Her husband has a new lady in his life, who has been welcomed into the family circle. This is good because there was also a child involved, who was nearly 5 at the time, and she is now blossoming.

So I fret and fuss about yesterday afternoon, when I was at the end of my tether as we had a domestic disaster: the new sofa ( the first really good quality one we have had) is too big to go into the house via the doors and the only way is to remove a window from the front of the house. (And what happens if we move house?) It had to be taken back to the store. Anticipating a quick installation of the new furniture, I had scrapped the old lot the day before. I now really, really need to talk to my husband about what to do, and to let the store know, and he is up-country in Siberia, out of any contact until tomorrow. He may not even get any messages I have left, and he's not home for a week.

But at least we were able to afford the new furniture (even if this episode may cost us dearly), and at least we are managing to pay for 2 kids at university (one of whom, thankfully, finishes this year). My husband has a good job, even if I have hardly seen him for the last 10 years (next week for 5 days and then probably not again until June for a week or so, then August I should think for about 10 days or a fortnight). It's just at times like this, when you need to sit down and discuss things through - you can't. I have not the freedom of a single person, where whatever decision you make is yours alone, and any results are yours to deal with. I always have to bear in mind that there is another person in the relationship who has an opinion too. Most of the time I can cope with that, but at times like yesterday, when I know what I'd do, but daren't because he would probably go ape-shit...

Again, I should count myself lucky. I had a part in the service for the victims of the recent train crash in Great Heck, and I have nothing but admiration for the relatives of the victims who attended, and the injured. The widow of the freight driver was there with her children, and I had the privilege of escorting her to her seat. I do not think I could have conducted myself with the dignity she showed, given the circumstances. I still have a husband, and my children are adults except for the youngest who is nearly 15. She has a 9 year old and a 12 year old to comfort and raise by herself.

Bit long-winded, but sorry. Call this thread the psychiatrist's couch!

Andrea

Cones? Anyone remember circle-stitched bras in the late 50s and early 60s? AND let me add that they went out in my very, VERY early bra-wearing days when I am afraid that I never stood a chance of using one to its "full" potential!!