This was mentioned by Big Al Whittle on 28 Oct 19 (and in several other threads) but apparently the lyrics have never been posted at Mudcat before. Furthermore, Big Al’s website is defunct, and so is the Soundcloud page he linked to. But Big Al himself is still around, and I hope he won’t mind me posting these. Following is my transcription from Spotify. You can also hear it at YouTube:


GEORGE JOSEPH SMITH
As recorded by Big Al Whittle on “St Peter and John Dillinger,” 2006.

Well now, my name is George Joseph Smith,
And I’m the bloke you’d hate to tangle with.
Oh, yes, I will, mate, make you me wife
As soon as I’ve insured your life.

Then I’ll drown you in the bath, drown you in the bath,
Drown you in the bath ‘cause I’m a psychopath.

Now, some people think as I’m not the norm
‘Cause I like fillin’ in insurance forms.
It isn’t that I like to kill,
But fillin’ in the forms gives me a thrill.

And I drown ‘em in the bath, drown ‘em in the bath,
Drown ‘em in the bath ‘cause I’m a psychopath.
I drown….

Now, the most moving thing what I ever heard
Was my good lady wife’s dying words.
As I yanked her into the tub,
She softly murmered: “Glub, glub, glub-glub-glub, glub-glub-glub-glub-glub.”

Oh, I drowned her in the bath, drowned her in the bath,
Drowned her in the bath ‘cause I’m a psychopath.
Drowned her….

So in my prison cell I sit,
Well and truly—in—the deepest trouble imaginable,
But before I go to meet my end.
I still think I could recommend—

Yeah, drowning in the bath, drowning in the bath,
Drowning in the bath if you’re a psychopath.


[Big Al uses cockney pronunciations (“frill” for “thrill,” etc.) but I have not attempted to represent them in these lyrics. See the Wikipedia article about George Joseph Smith.]