I have a hard time thinking of Holly as an Ancient Matriarch. A Timeless Matriarch, perhaps. Anyhow, she had nothing to do over the Fourth of July holiday, so she revised her song. Hello! How was your Fourth of July? Did you march in the Charade, watch it, judge it, go to the headlands, get stuck in traffic, eat things you knew weren’t good for you? Or did you stay home and hide under the bed? I sequestered myself in my study. I hung a suet cake on the porch and watched the Steller’s jays duke it out with the acorn woodies. I sang a Bulgarian song with my canary Blondel. Then I sat down at my desk and addressed an issue noted by an astute reader: my song parody, Mendo Blues Again was much shorter than the original. So I’ve added a couple verses and revised the chorus. The Mendo Blues Again Wyrds: Fatguru Baba Ghanoush Tune: Bob Dylan, Stuck Outside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kh6K_-a0c4 Oh, the flagman waves in circles Up and down the road I’d ask him what the matter was But I know that he’d explode And the hardhats treat me kindly And offer me a grape (alternatively: And I offer them a grape) But here inside my Honda I know I can’t escape Oy, Caltrans, can this really be the end? To be stuck here on this highway With the Mendo Blues again Now my main man gave me two cures And he said, sit right here One was Humboldt medicine The other was just home-brewed beer And like a shmuck I chugged them And it muggled up my brain And now Fort Bragg just gets uglier And I have no sense of pain Oy, Caltrans, can this really be the end? Do you think the drivers sitting here Have endless time to spend? Taylor Swift, she's in the alley With her high-heeled shoes and her bell Singing with some Caspar crone Who says she knows me well And I would send a message And tell her, “Get thee hence," But the Post Office is raising First class mail now by 5 cents Oy, Caltrans, is this really how it ends To be stuck here on this highway And I can’t find my Depends Rhoda said come see her She was swimming in the bay Taking selfies with the gray whales Till the whales swam away And I say, “Aw, come on now You know about my friend the seal And she says, "Your silkie just knows what you want But I know what you feel" Grandma died last week And I bet she’d be pissed If she had any inkling of How little she’d be missed But me, I expected it to happen Since she’s been plagued by trolls She threw her phone down Main Street And shot it full of holes Oy, Caltrans, am I going round the bend? I’m stuck here on this highway With the Mendo blues again.
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