MAPMAKER
To the Tune of "Matchmaker"
by Sheldon Harnick & Jerry Bock
new words by Vikki Appleton
© 10 Feb 2025

Mapmaker, Mapmaker,
make me a map
Do as I say, fill it with crap
Mapmaker, Mapmaker,
be a good schnook
And make me a rubbish map

Mapmaker, Mapmaker,
I’ll bring the lies
You bring the map
for us to revise
Fill it with swill
for I’m longing to be
The Caesar of all I see

For Bannon, make it outrageous
For Elon, add a swastika too
Don’t think of being courageous
Just follow the orders I give to you

Mapmaker, Mapmaker, make me a map
Do as I say, fill it with crap
Day after day in DC I’m a drone
So make me a map all my own...

Donald, oh Donald, have I got a map for you
The countries and towns
Are all named after you
So it’s a nice plan, a good map, true?
True
It ought to make you happy
Your ego satisfy
Although it prob’ly won’t
Don’t ask me why

Did you think we’d make some prints?
Well, I do the best I can
With no wisdom, no morals,
       no sense of discretion
It’s mad you’ve got a plan!

Mapmaker, Mapmaker make it so good
I’ll tell you how, I know we could
I am a genius but misunderstood
So… crown me a king
Groom me for doom
Find me a mind
Map me some crap
And make me a hapless map!

(Many thanks to Joe Offer for the idea for this parody.)

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I see that now Wisconsinites are proposing a name change for Lake Michigan...