I cook many Asian dishes and I find you really have to be careful about not leaving the baking soda on the meat for too long. If you do, it leaves a bitter taste. Ordinarily, I velvet my proteins with light soy sauce, some Chinese cooking wine and a little sesame oil, mixing until the meat absorbs the liquid as much as possible. Then I add cornstarch and mix until evenly coated.

Anyway, my restaurant story took place in 1983 at the long-gone Sheepshead Bay Diner in Brooklyn, New York. It was a 24-hour dive and I was there with my then-girlfriend at around 2 o'clock in the morning. Our server was a nasty bitch - and that's being kind - and I remember finding hair in my Chef's Salad, among other things. But it was the woman's constant attitude that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

As we got up from our table to leave, my girlfriend took a couple of dollars from her purse, placed the tip on a plate, then proceeded to slather the cash with butter.