I have a gig with a trio in a downtown bar(pretty much of a hole)in about two weeks. It was booked by one member of our trio doing a favour for a friend who is a member of the main act. He booked the gig first then told me. We are the first of two opening acts with the headliners coming on about 11 p.m.(the time I'm normally going to bed).

We had a rehearsal last night and things were pretty ragged. We haven't played together in a year. Lyrics were missing. Keys and tempos were debated. Songs that we have been working on as solo performers were dragged back to the fixed,stale versions of a year-plus ago. I have already decided that my friendship with the other two members of the trio will suffer if I continue to play with them.

Here's my dilemma: I asked my wife to skip this gig and she became quite upset. It seems I have done this before for reasons of security (when you're keeping your coat and guitar case on the stage under your chair you can't be constantly looking past the stage lights for your wife's safety), health (both of us are allergic to smoke and only one of us has to be there), worth (I knew it was going to be a lousy performance) or because I didn't have the right to bring someone into a closed party at a convention we played.

We're playing a 45 minute set followed by the debut of "somebody's sister who's just learned to play the guitar"(Hey I've been playing for 23 years and haven't yet "learned to play" the guitar).

Under what circumstances do you tell someone "Yes I'm playing and No, don't come?"

Michael