Here it is, finally ...

BILLY THE SQUID
As recorded by Tom Chapin on “Billy the Squid” (1992)

There are sagas of under-sea outlaws
And the great soggy deeds that they did,
But the saltiest thief to come down the reef
Was the outlaw named Billy the Squid.
From the Grand Banks he'd steal sand-dollars
And escape on his sea-horse named Sid.
He took from the selfish and gave to the shell-fish
Did big-hearted Billy the Squid.

In the Pink Coral Lounge (that's a sand bar)
Worked the former Miss Lake Champlain,
A beautiful mollusk, a real living dollusk.
Her name it was Clammity Jane.
Now this dive was as hard as a barnacle.
It was real barracuda terrain,
Where the groupers and grunts pulled unsavory stunts,
Which was tough on poor Clammity Jane.

One night through the door swam a stranger.
To the corner, he squirted and slid.
All the fish in the room grew as hushed as a tomb
When they saw it was Billy the Squid.
But he had not come in for a hold-up
Or for criminal personal gain;
He’d come on a mission; he’d come there a-fishin'
For the beauteous Clammity Jane.

He said, “Clammy, I've done hurt your feelin’s,
And I've caused you some pain; this I know,
But before it's too late, I'm a-gonna go straight,
Or as straight as a squid can go.”
He asked for her hand, but she had none,
And to prove it, she lifted her lid.
“Then how 'bout a foot?” and her foot out she put.
“It's a beauty!” said Billy the Squid.

Then he gathered her up in his tentacles,
And as into the sunset they rid,
She looked at him clammily, “Let's start a family.”
“Wahoo!” said Billy the Squid.
So then they moved to the submarine suburbs,
And when they found out they could not have kids,
They adopted three guppies and four dogfish puppies,
And a whole bunch of clammets and squids.

In the sagas of under-sea outlaws
And the great soggy deeds that they did,
There's a clam who prevailed where the sheriff had failed
And she captured bold Billy the Squid.

* * *

Iain MacKintosh also sings it. No notes on that one - I'm not steeped (oops?) in sea lore. - Susanne