Hamish Imlach and Iain MacKintosh came up with this rewrite:

We've both been folksingers for twenty-five years
We will sing half the night for the fun and free beers
But now that we're older we both know the score
No we never will play the Wild Rover no more

I know it's a song one that pleases the folk
But I have to admit that it just makes me choke
A night with a sore tooth is more fun to me
Than to sing even one verse, never mind two or three

It's a song that's requested again and again
If I hear it once more it'll drive me insane
The words all sound stupid it just makes me wild
And the tune could be learnt by a two-year old child

I'll go to a folk club, take a shotgun along
And I'll shoot the first bastard who asks for that song
And the hangman will say as I fall through the floor
Now you never will play the Wild Rover no more