I may as well share the lyrics of the above named Isa Savage and let you in on how I lost my virginity.


ISA SAVAGE

When I was a young lad and just in my teens
I was looking for a girl that would fulfill my dreams
I quite liked the blonde ones, the redheads as well
But the girl that I got was the "Girl Friend From Hell"

Her name was Isa, Isa Savage
A girl of extraordinary size
She had hair on her chin and a big toothless grin
And varicosed veins on her thighs

Well at fourteen years old and only four foot eleven
I was searching for an angel to transport me to heaven
Isa was huge and she weighed nineteen stone
Wi' her muscles she looked like Silvester Stilone
But on February fourteenth wi' romance in the air
The school held a dance - I made sure I was there
I splashed on my Brute and Brylcreamed my hair
I just didnae plan on Big Isa being there
I looked round the hall at all the pretty young girls
Spellbound by the legs of the ones doing twirls
But then to my horror and utter alarm
Big Isa picked me up and tucked me under her arm
Across the dance floor she gleefully ran
And using my head like a battering ram
She burst through the doors and ran down tae the gate
It was Valentine's Night and she'd picked up her date

Her name was Isa........

With her gums she uncorked a cheap bottle of wine
Slugged it all down and vowed she'd be mine
She demanded I kiss her as she ripped off my clothes
Pausing only to wipe something strange from her nose
That February night - I remember it well
My virtue was stolen by the girl friend from hell
I was too wee to argue - I just did what she said
'Cause if I didnae she'd gi' me a scud 'round the head
By March it was all over - there was no more romance
And I vowed I'd never go tae another school dance
I'd rather stay hame and watch the TV
Incase Isa's big sister took a fancy tae me

Her name was Isa.........

What can I say other than it is a true story.