GARNET'S HOMEMADE BEER
Ian Robb

Oh, the year was nineteen seventy-eight
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
When a score of men were turned quite green
By the scummiest ale you've ever seen.

CHORUS: God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold.
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's homemade beer.

Oh, Garnet Rogers cried the town
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
For twenty brave men, all masochists who
Would taste for him his homemade brew. CHORUS

This motley crew was a sickening sight
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
There was Caveman Dave with his eyes in bags
He'd a hard-boiled liver and the staggers and jags. CHORUS

Well, we hadn't been there but an hour or two
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
When a voice said "Gimme some homemade brew!"
And Steeleye Stan hove into view. CHORUS

Now Steeleye Stan was a frightening man
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
He was eight feet tall and four feet wide
He said "Pass that jug or I'll tan your hide!" CHORUS

Stan took one sip and pitched on his side
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
Garnet was smashed with a gut full of dregs
And his breath set fire to both me legs. CHORUS

So here I lay in my twenty-third beer
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
It's been ten years since I felt this way
On the night before my wedding day. CHORUS