Oh man! I CAN'T keep up this pace! Can we SLOW DOWN this catch-up process please, or do we have to make up all this homework in one day????

- Al

STUCK IN THE BALLPARK LOO
Tune: Bottomless Lake
New words by Al Boyce 8/16/2001

Here's a story of a man and his car keys
And a big fall that they took
Into the bottom of a baseball park outhouse
And the extrication steps by the book
There were kids, the cops and fire department
The EMTs and ambulance crew
All a-pushin' and a-pullin' and a strugglin'
To free the man stuck in the baseball park loo

CHORUS
I got stuck goin' down, down to the bottom
Of a hole in the ground, got stuck before I got 'em
It smells so bad I can hardly breathe
I may never see my car keys again!

The children heard the screaming from the outhouse
And to investigate they got there at last
Opened up the door and there they found him
Stuck to his waist inside the toilet seat fast
His pants and undies lying on the floor there
And he'd even taken off both his shoes
Hoping to drop down and get his car keys
From the bottom of the baseball park loo

As soon as they recovered from their laughter
The kids ran home and called up the cops
Sirens blaring, the police and paramedics
And the firemen rushed in to show their chops.
Pushin' and a-pullin' and a-strugglin'
Jacks and crowbars and the Jaws Of Life too
And after seven hours, they succeeded
To free the man stuck in the baseball park loo!

Everyone was yelling and a-cheering
The man even fished his car keys out
But laying right beside them was a sandwich,
He said, "That's what this mess was all about.
While peeing, I screwed up and dropped my hoagie
Into the bottom of the ballpark loo.
Not wanting to go down for JUST my dinner,
I thought I'd throw my keys down there too!"