OH, I DONT WANT TO BE A SOLDIER
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  Oh, I don't want to be a soldier
  I don't want to join the fightin' class
  I just want to go
  Down to old Soho
  Pinchin' all the girlies in the shoulder blades
  Oh, I don't want to see the Queen's dominions
  Why -London's- full o' girls I've never 'ad
  I just want to stay in England
  Jolly jolly England
  And follow in the footsteps of me dad
  
          So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
          Call out the King's Artillery
          Call out me mother
          Me sister and me brother
          But for Chrissake don't call me
  
  Monday night me 'and was on her ankle
  Tuesday night me 'and was on her knees
  Wednesday night, success!
  I lifted up her dress
  Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemise
  Well, Friday night I got me 'and upon it
  Saturday night I gave it just a tweak
  Sunday after supper
  I finally got in up her
  And now I'm payin' thirty bob a week (Gorblimey...)
  
          Call out the members of the Queen's Marines
          Call out the King's Artillery
          Call out me mother
          Me sister and me brother
          But for Chrissake don't call me
  
  Oh, I don't want to join the Navy
  And I don't want to go to war
  I just want to 'ang around
  Piccadilly underground
  Livin' off the earnings of an 'igh-class lady
  I don't want a bullet up me backside
  An' I don't want me knockers shot away
  I just want to stay in England
  Jolly jolly England
  And fornicate me bloomin' life away
  
          So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
          Call out the King's Artillery
          Call out me mother
          Me sister and me brother
          But for Chrissake don't call me