Mudshark - Been there. Your need to be loved in whatever way you perceive it is real. It's possible your wife can't give that to you, but it's also possible she could if you understood each other's needs better. Why did she stop trying?

After a few months of therapy this is what I decided: 1) tell spouse that the distance between us is hurting me, and we need to bridge it. 2) start couples therapy - work at it as hard as we can. 3a) bridge the distance - stay married. 3b) can't bridge the distance - get out of the marriage as amicably as possible.

Step 1 is done, we're moving on to step 2.

There's lots of advice on the "In love with a married man" thread related to resolving the marriage before trying to find what you need in someone else.

Good luck - don't spend the rest of your life miserable, but recognize that you need to take positive action to change things.