Time for some fun!
Each year, The Rabbie Burns Appreciation Society of Farmington, NH (membership -1) holds a Burns Supper. Although the invited guests tend to revolve, due to a space limit for about 40 revelers, there are a few constants - music, merriment and the Grand Poetry Contest, with the first (and only) prize being a fine bottle of whisky. It's Auchentoshen Lowland single malt this year. I would like to throw this contest open to Mudcatters, in 2002, and read any poems posted on this thread by them, to the judges on the Big Night (ay a Saturday), which is Jan. 26, this year.
The entered poem, of one two or three verses, must always be written in the classic Burns stanza, as typified by "To a Mouse."
Each year, though, the title changes. In 2000, all poems were called "To a Monica." In 2001, they were entitled "To a Floridian Voter" and in 2002, the theme is "To a Postie" who is sometimes called a mail-carrier in the USA.
If the winning poet is a Mudcatter, I'll post the result, and UPS the malt, unless it's going to Australia or some farflung outpost. In that case, I'll drink the malt, and mail $25.
Anyhow, to give you an idea of what is sought, here is the early entry of one Mr. Rantin Ramgunshoch:

Tae a postie

Frae John o' Groats tae Ardnamurcher,
There's no a mair hard done tae furker,
Aye gunned doon by yer fellow worker,
Or nipped by dug;
And noo ye face a far worse lurker -
Yon anthrax bug!

When Osama bashed they too'ers,
As shown on T.V. for hoors,
Twas firemen that received the flooers,
Doon at ground zero,
But postie, battling poisonous spoors,
You're ma new hero.

Bask ye the while in accolade,
For too soon will this glory fade,
As cameras rake doon life's parade,
For new disaster
And novel heroes, freshly made
By puppetmaster.

Footnote: Ramgunshoch confided to a friend, "This is ma entry for the poetry contest. Of course ah can hear pettifogging and quibbling like 'There nae sic place as Ardnamurcher' but this is doubtful, because if gabbled quickly, what American would think to challenge such an authentic-sounding village? They swallowed Brigadoon, after all. Stephanie says it's like cheating at Scrabble, but I needed the rhyme, and even scoured the Rev. James B. Johnston's Place-Names of Scotland to no avail. Ma alibi is Ardna = the elevated place, and murcher = more difficult to comprehend. Thus Ardnamurcher possibly means "the height of nonsense."

Hmm!