(Steps over the prostrate body of Jaysley) God bless all here. Is that big Ian?

Mary Peters: Aye thats him alright but he's goin' under another name so he is. I don't mean to be rude but what are you doing here? Your takin' your life in your hands so ye are.

John Paul II: Ach a know but sure I had to be seen to be doin' somethin'

Mary Peters: Did ye come up the Garvaghy road?

John Paul II: Fuck no, I came across the fields. Sure look at the cow shite on me slippers.

Mary Peters: That's wild so it is.

John Paul II: Who was that ejit that was running ahead of us in the pelt? bare arsed to the world.

Mary Peters: Oh that was Sammy Wilson so it was.

John Paul II: Yez are terrible people. What yez need is a man like Lech Walesa. Now there's a boy who could whip yez all into shape. When I stuck the neb into the Poland situation the Russkies were'nt long gettin' the fuck out. Isn't that right Guido. (turns to Swiss guard)

Guido: Yes Holiness. Holiness we have a small problem.

John Paul II: What's that son.

Guido: Peter Robinson and David Trimble are joyriding up and down the Garvaghy Road in the Pope Mobile.

John Paul II: Ah for fuck's sake that thing's not taxed or MOT'd. Come on son can you carry me back across the field. Good luck!