NEWS READER - We interrupt today's Home And Away to bring you an urgent newsflash. We're going live to Kate Adie in Portydown.

KATE ADIE - "I stand in the midst of an appallingly tragic scene here in Drumcree of the outskirts of Portydown where, for several days, the cream of Ireland's musicians have been playing in the world's biggest ever session.

But earlier this morning tragedy struck. (Camera sweeps the tent. Tear-stained faces look imploringly into the camera.) I have with me Tommy Irwin – head barman with Drumcree MegaSessions Enterprises Limited. Mr Irwin – can you tell the viewers what's been happening?

TI – Well. This morning we run outty buckie. It was terrible altogether! Not a bottle of buckie about the place at all. I took a wee skite into Lurgan and Jimmy that works alongside me headed till Armagh. But there wasn't a bottle of buckie to be had in the whole of the Orchard County! And then we hit the phones. Nothing in Banbridge. Damn all in Omagh. Magherafelt was bone-dry on the buckie front. Limavady. Crossgar. Strangford. Downpatrick. Antrim. All the same. No buckie to be had for love nor money.

KA - And what's the situation as we now speak?

TI – Well, you can see for yourself. People is getting' desperate. They're hitting the oul' Mundies and Scotch Mac . But thon's a stop-gap. No … we need help. And we need it fast!

KA – Thank you Mr Irwin. Reaction was swift. The area was declared a National Disaster Zone. Tony Blair and his counterpart Bertie Ahern pledged immediate aid. Air-drops of Buckfast are expected to commence within the next few hours and will continue for as long as necessary. Speaking on Downtown a few minutes ago, Mr Blair said "The MegaSession is an important cultural milestone. It is an energy-draining business and the participants need to be assured of supplies of head-wrecking tonic wine. The British and Irish Governments will move heaven and earth to see that this vital expression of cultural identity does not founder on the rocks of the non-availability of a few choice libations."

Bertie Ahern sought to familiarise himself with the product. But after two bottles he challenged Mr Blair to a fight, threw up, fell asleep and pissed himself. He is currently unavailable for comment. Sources close to the Taoiseach state that he is fully behind the air-drops.

Back to the studio.

NEWSREADER : Thank you, Kate! There will be further bulletins throughout the day. We return you to Home And Away.