(SHANE) Roigh'! G'luck t'ye!

I've been ast to sing one of me best-known songs for yez all. I've changed the words around a wee bit for the occasion.

This one's called Fairytale of Drumcree.

(APPLAUSE!!!)

It was on the Twelfth, yeah
Out by Scarva
An oul' man said to me
"Won't see anawer one"
And then he sang a song
The Green And Grassy Slopes
I smoked a bit of dope
I bought in Gilford

I bought a Lambeg drum
It weighed a half-a-ton
I soul' it to some bum
When I was on a bender
And when I give a toot
On my Oul' Orange Flute
And wear my new band-suit
The girls surrender

And the boys on the Garvaghy Road
Sing "Go the fuck away"
But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day

(The band takes it away for a quare long break, while Shane saunters casually to the drum riser, takes a swig from a bottle of Bucky and lights a feg. As we reach the point where, on the original, Kirsty MacColl came in, Sharon Corr wanders onstage to TUMULTUOUS APPLAUSE!!!)

(SHARON) He's got fringed epaulettes
He's got strides edged with gold
He doesn't smoke snout, he smokes ready-rolled
When he first dropped the han' on the 12th of July
I hardly need tell yez, I bloody near died

(SHANE) Jaysus, you're cat!
You're a dorty hoor's get
I'll redden your chicks
With the back of my han'
(SHARON) You bollix, you poghal
Away home to Ahoghill
I'm away now to fin' me
A far better man

And the boys on the Garvaghy Road
Sing "Go the fuck away"
But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day

(SHANE) I could have been someone
(SHARON) You're just a hape o' dung!
You've got a dorty tongue
And you're a bigot
(SHANE) Ah, shut yer yappy bake
I mean, fer Jaysus' sake
A man can hardly spake!
Ah, Christ, then! Frig it!

And the boys on the Garvaghy Road
Sing "Go the fuck away"
But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day