Associated Press...

It was reported this morning that an Irish Coastguard vessel The Uillean intercepted and boarded a vessel The Tipper as it tried to sneak into Schull harbour in remote West Cork.

Coastguards found a large but as yet undeternimed number of illegal bodhrans on board. It is believed that thay were on their way to the Popular Front for Ruining a Session and had originated in Pakistan.

Bodhran Decommisssioning Body chief General de Pipestelain declared himself satisfied with the find and contratualted the Coastguard authorities saying "In many ways, these imported percussion pieces are more dangerous and unpredictable than the locally-made variety. It takes the greatest care from a highly trained decommissioning expert to put one beyond use."

A local goat, Nanny O'Goat was reported as saying "This is a major success by the authorities. These cheaply-shagged Asian skins are vastly inferior to what we produce here in Connemara. We must however remain vigilant against this insidious spread of anti-percussionism".

Malachy Kearns also congratulated the authorities saying "Why would anyone want to procure one of these highly dangerous devices when they can have a real one with a painted Celtic Knot guaranteed to last 300 years..!"

Waltons refused to comment on the news...