Ananova...

President Blair of the World has suddenly cut short his diplomatic tour of West Africa following intelligence briefings on the growing percussion menace in Ireland.

"This bodhran thing is getting out of hand..." said Blair "...and following urgent hotline discussions..I have the full backing of Deputy President Bush for a "first strike" policy on these dangerous instruments...".

President Putin was unavailable for comment following chaos within the Kremlin following an outbreak of cymbalum playing in former Soviet republics.

Blair went on to say "If these instruments of mass percussion should fall into the hands of fanatical and extremist musicianers, we may face the greatest musical crisis in the West since I played rock guitar at university". Continuing, Blair went on to say "I am personally working closely with the proper authorities north and south of the border to ensure that these instruments of percussion are put beyond use..."

Concluding, Blair said "Following the interception of The Tipper in West Cork and the discovery of Pakistani-made bodhrans on board, me and Shrubbie believe that Bin Laden may be somewhere behind all this..."

Meanwhile, the trial of Kearns continues back in Dublin with rumours of massive support from the Irish population for his now-acclaimed "rhythm" speech....