The by now customary entry to the tune of "Nell Flaherty's Drake". MY NAME IT IS BRUCE My name it is Bruce and to tell you the truth A swimmer am I of some fame and renown I'm slick and I'm fast and I'm rarely surpassed And never outclassed when the chips they are down But try as I might (and I try day and night) I cannot improve on my personal best But my coach has a scheme, "It'll work like a dream" He cheerfully beamed and he stuck out his chest Well I had a shock, when I saw the croc Says I to the coach, "Hey Mate, what's the game?" "Oh don't be a fool! Get into the pool. It's totally cool, he's perfectly tame! But I'll guarantee … and soon you will see That your rate of progress will greatly increase One little nudge and by Christ you will budge - As God is my judge! – like lightning that's greased!" That cold-blooded beast like a monster unleashed With a swish of his tail commenced his pursuit And I like an otter sliced through the water But the crocodile gained on me foot upon foot Till his scaly nose brushed on my toes And I like a rocket leapt up on dry land And so, since that day, I'm sorry to say My career as a swimmer has come to an end God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave I detest his oul' snout and his toothsome oul' mouth His hideous pout and his hypocrite's tear Neither smoothie nor charmer, encased within armour He thinks he's got nothing and no-one to fear But if Tarzan the apeman, got into a scrape, man The watery reptile would soon rue the day Cos the Lord Of The Jungle is known not to bungle When he wrestles with reptiles in mortal affray duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-)
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