Dear Ebbie/Alone Alot,

My dear Ebbie....please do not imagine that I have forgotten your plight. It is just that yours is a particularly delicate case that may need to be addressed in several consultations.

Social ostracism can be a terrible thing...just look at what I have been reduced to!

I think we will start the treatment concerning where to put your fingers by first concentrating on where not to put them. Please pay particular attention to the chart below and on no account put your fingers in those places:

Places not to put your fingers in order to avoid being ostracised socially

Please practice not putting your fingers in these places three times a day for three days and then we will move on to the next stage of treatment.

I also use the example to demonstrate, as I have discussed with my esteemed colleague Dr. O.M. Dreadnought above, that radical massive fretectomy is not always a complete cure.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar