Dear Mr P. Nuss,

Do not let the loss of two fingers deter you and let Mr D.Reinhardt's success be your guiding light!

Regarding your groin troubles, there are two possible solutions. One is to reverse the way you hold your axe so that the sharp part is held aloft. Whilst useful for practice purposes, this may have the undesirable effect of unnerving your audience when you reach the stage of performing in public.

A second solution, which may be ultimately more successful, takes account of your previous vocation as a lumberjack and has the benefit that you will be able to enjoy a relaxing holiday in sunny climes as well. This involves travelling with your axe (which obviously should go as checked-in baggage to comply with international aviation requirements) to the Antilles. There you should seek out a Lignum Vitae tree Guaiacum officinale and try to cut it down. As lignum vitae is one of the densest woods known, your axe will quickly become blunted in a most satisfactory manner comfortable to your private person, and the tree itself should suffer little or no damage.

One possible drawback is that Guaiacum offininale is now a protected species and that, if caught, you could face a stiff penalty or prison sentence.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar