Dear sir,
As a deterrent to would be guitar theives i have devised a fiendishly
clever plan - Firstly, obtain some (approx 30grams) of used plutonium
( available in most ex eastern bloc countries ) grind this material into a fine, talc like powder. Now the clever bit! lightly dust the strings of your instrument with the powder, Viola! as soon as the theif plays the stolen instrument he/she will inhale the dust and die a long and lingering death from cancer or some other suitable disease. To be fair i can't take all of the credit for this worthwhile idea - well, to be honest, my wife betty suggested it really, she is such a sweet thing, she visits me here in hospital quite regularly, she has even forgiven me for eating her mother.
A.Nutt