Dear Patients and Correspondents,

First of all I must apologise for deserting you here on Mudcat for so long. My services were needed urgently in the former Eastern Bloc where suffering cimbalom, contrabass and domra players required immediate assistance.

This brings me first of all to Guest Alona Lott's problem.

Dear Alona,

I would love to be able to provide you with a mailing address for your invoice but, as you can see, I am virtually a person of no fixed abode myself, dispensing, as is my responsibility, advice to the musically needy on an international basis.

In the meantime I have continued to worry about your predicament. Part of the problem may be that you are trying to use too many fingers. I have, therefore, at my own expense trawled the entire internet and have found the following page which promises wonderful things and which on no account must you look at.

How to play complex and amazing jazz chords with only two fingers

Please do not look at this site as it could be dangerous. Please allow me to quote from it to illustrate my point:

"...New method to play complex Jazz chords, using just 2 fingers"

"...in various neck positions"

"...Learn improvised solos and fills, with increased fluidity"

If this were not bad enough it also offers free downloadable software to assist the unwary in all of this.

I suppose, as the internet is unregulated, we cannot stop this sort of abuse but I feel a responsibility to warn readers, and particularly you, Dear Alona Lott, to avoid contamination by it and possible further social exclusion.

Please do tell me more about your travels in Oregon, a beautiful State I am reliably informed although I have never had the luck to travel there myself.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar