So many thanks to y'all. Him being called Bates, we bought Bates bitter and spent the afternoon soggily drinking and playing tunes for him. The other cats had a ball eating grilled turkey and chewing the rose bush we'd just bought in honour of the departed.
It is hard and as you guessed i cried, but today i've looked at the photos of my babie and he was just the happiest cat and we did that for him (he'd been a scabby, bleeding stray) so i feel good. Then i look again at the photos and realise that he used to sit in the best chair, lie on the ironing boar, cover everything in cat hair, eat my sarnies, keep us up to the wee small hours to let him in, wake us at the wee small hours to let him out and my god i miss him.
Anyway, if anyone knows how to put photos on here, you can see him drinking my bitter, if not, i get back to the purpose of this post which is to say (i'm sorry you know how it feels) thanks for your kind words and poem-y things, they made my eyes wet but they helped too - ta xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!