Hi Doug and all, words follow as requested. Sing and enjoy

CAPTAIN VALIANT
(Bill Caddick, Tim Laycock, Peter Bond)
From A DUCK ON HIS HEAD

CHORUS: Oh no! (Oh no!) Oh no! (Oh no!) Here he comes again! (Who?)
It's Captain Bloody Valiant and here he comes again
With his chair and his whip, and his pistol on his hip
Like Daniel in the bloody lion's den.

Have you seen the posters all around the bloody town?
He's standing in his jodhpurs like some bandy legged clown.
It's Captain Bloody Valiant, the fiercest man alive,
And the puny little Pratt, he only measures four feet five;
And he comes in here and makes us jump about.
I'll have him one of these days; you need have no doubt.

Over there's the missus, showing off her teeth.
She's trying to be vicious, but she's docile underneath.
I think she's got distemper. She's acting very strange.
She won't let me go near her. She says I've got the mange.
Is it any wonder I'll soon be bald,
What with sawdust in me ear'oles, me mane and tail and all? CHORUS

It really makes me angry the things we have to try,
Like standing on one leg. Well, it's most undignified.
He's got some leopards, a tiger. It's like a bloody zoo;
And he holds a flaming hoop up, and expects me to jump through.
Then he puts his head into me mouth and I want to scream.
Well, I'd bite it off but I can't stand the taste of his Brylcreem. CHORUS

Sometimes I dream I'm walking down some leafy jungle glade,
With me lioness beside me, and me pride all on parade;
And there's Captain Bloody Valiant, all terrified and numb;
And I take a mighty leap, and I bite him on his bum.
Then I eat him, whip and all, and start to doze.
Then I wake up in me cage with bloody sawdust up me nose. CHORUS (X 2)