Dear R. Sole,

You are absolutely correct in stating that, in seeking to procure a heavy metal guitar, one should shy away from lead guitars. For that matter, one should also avoid mercury guitars and any others made of metals of known toxicity. A uranium guitar would be a possibility. Continuous playing would eventually allow one to glow in the dark, which would be a very interesting stage effect. Unfortunately, it would be likely to attract the attention of Mr. Tom Ridge of the Department of Homeland Security and result in your spending an uncomfortable afternoon answering questions posed to you by men wearing brown suits. Another alternative would be a gold guitar, gold being extremely heavy. The drawback would be that a solid gold electric guitar would cost more than a vanload of D'Angelico New Yorkers pulling a trailerful of prewar Martins behind it.

An inexpensive alternative to a true heavy metal guitar would be one made of reinforced concrete. It would certainly be heavy, and the imbedded steel reinforcing rods would qualify it as being metal.

As to "shredding", the best way to achieve this effect is to go to a local home center or hardware store and procure a chipper-shredder designed to shred limbs and other lawn debris. Such devices provide a satisfying sonic background when allowed to simply idle on stage. But when you rev one up and shove a Gibson Les Paul down its throat it will emit a scream that will drive a rock audience into ecstasy. I would not recommend feeding your reinforced concrete guitar to the shredder unless you have obtained the very heaviest-duty model available.

Sincerely,

Dr. OM Dreadnought