A few more lines in similar vein to my posting above, and nothing now whatsoever to do with Áine's original challenge. Still if it raises a smile, eh? By the way ... this is not family material ... so if youi're easily offended, look away!


My auntie Susie's a bit of a floozy
And not very choosy it's said
There's so many nicks in her bedpost
She sleeps on the sofa instead
And oul Andy Murray was in a great hurry
To cure his great need for release
For lubri-mi-cation he used embrocation
And dollops of old axle grease
When spring it has spring, the lads, amply-hung
Get stirrings that set them on edge
They'd damn nearly mate with a crack in a plate
Or a hole in a holly-bush hedge
Barney McCann was a terrible man
For chasing the girls of the town
Till he caught one one day and now people say
That he's ruing the day she was found
I saw your oul' da with Mrs McGrath
She has tickling his wattly chin
And my cousin Sally has got very pally
With the husband of Sarah McGinn
Oul' Lady H was feelin' the itch
And it made her all sombre and solemn
But the view made her gasp when she nestled her ass
On top of the boul' Nelson's column
Salome was veiled from napper to tail
Her charms were discreetly hidden
But when all was revealed and no longer concealed
Her audience was mightily smitten
Danny Moloney's scrawny and boney
Not manly nor beefy nor hunky
But the girls flock around when he's out on the town
For Moloney is hung like a donkey
The Fiddler Fagan's forever reneging
On his lifetime fidelity vows
For he's known to cavort at seaside resorts
With a lady called Bernadette Howes
The Reverend Mother set out to discover
What made the novitiate smile
She said "Where's the soap?" and yer one answered "Nope
I use shower gel most of the time."
Oul Mr Sweeney's a quare in-betweenie
He likes the gasúr and the bean
But he'll only sit down to black pudding
If it's fried with an egg in the pan
The trees are in leaf in the summer
The grass it grows high and grows green
And lusty young fellows are out in the meadows
Along with their threshing machines
As I was walking down Broadway
I met with the black velvet band
A watch she slipped out of her pocket
And placed it all into my hand
Says I "What's the point of this giving?
Why make this chronomoter mine?"
Says she "I fancy a dalliance
And now you've got plenty of time"
You've heard of my strapping young cousin
By the name of Arthur McBride
How one Christmas morning we wandered
Along to the bonny seaside
In search of a little adventure
And the chance of a bit of a court
But first we must deal with some soldiers
Who got in the way of our sport
And having prevailed and presided
And stolen their store of bright coin
Boul' Arthur he then decided
To spend all the shillings in town
We went to the stews and the sin-joints
And spent the King's shilling free
Then off to the pubs and the gin-joints
And had us a hell of a spree