Gather round, Pilgrims and don't be shy. Crowd on up to the table and feast yer eyes on some of the finest Holy Relics ye'll find on any internet site. And I'm not talking coffee table conversation-pieces or paperweights here. Each of these items is possessed of properties both sublime and magical, having the power to make the lame walk, the barren fertile, and the shy the life o' the party.

Now ye take this elegantly bound volume, why it's no ordinary book- this be the Sacred HTML Guidebook of Mystical Offer! Yea, friends the very one used by Cardinal Offer to Correct the Threads, and banish the evildoers to The Christian Deer-Hunters Page!

And this, the legendary Condom of Power, once used by Arthur himself to suddue the Seven Wicked Wenches.

Or this seemingly insignificant scrap of paper- actually the Poetic License of Saint Seed the Thread-Slayer! Enables the bearer to make unlimited outlandish analogies in the face of enmity!

Gaze on this, the F7 key from the keyboard of Exalted Max the Mudcreator, he who saw the void, and formed out of it the Mudcat!

Or if you favor the Dark Powers, this vial of Gargoyle's Breath, which can be used as the antidote to the Curse of Dull Postings, or as a Flame Potion against your enemies!

And so much more: Banjer's Unholy Instrument, the Sacred EarthShoes of Katlaughing, St Peter T's Sword of Irony, the Torch of Big Mick (to be carried in cases of unrequited love), the Last Post of AlistairUK,a flagon of Tears of Laughter from Alice in Montana, and this scratchy 78 rpm version of Larry LaPrise performing the Hoky Poky Ritual in Sandy Payton's basement in 1966.

Yes, we accept Visa and Mastercharge. Sorry, no out-of-state checks.