I was on vacation for a week and a half and nobody here noticed.

Bobert - If I were to grow a similar crop I would use cloned plants to make sure I get good
genetics and all females. Then I would start them out hydroponically with a rooting compound.
Once they got going I would transplant them to bat guano-enriched potting soil and keep them
under 1000 watt grow lamps on a timer to simulate day and night, suspended from a little motor
on a track screwed to the ceiling to simulate the movement of the sun, all enclosed in an
underground bunker. I would have fans blowing on the plants, and a squirrel cage fan in the wall
connected to ducting to transfer the moisture and odor away from my house and away from the
street. I would use a drip system with underwater pumps to fertilize and water the plants, and a
series of ballast boxes to augment the power to my grow lamps. I'd rent the house from out of
state landlords, using somebody else's name, and I'd get somebody else to subscribe to the
electric company. I'd have two vicious pitbulls living in the house and train them to go apeshit if
anybody approaches.

I'd buy all my fertilizers, soil emoluments, bamboo stakes, planter pots, starter trays, hoses,
pump sprayers, and organic insecticides at slightly inflated prices at the little organic garden store
run by the nice hippies who would never think to call the cops on me, or any of the other sixty
percent of their customers who are horticulturists of similar bent, if you know what I mean.

But even if I were clever enough to do all that, I would still be dumb enough to smoke the shit, so
I would have to have all my Bob Marley posters, and my "It's 4:20, Do you know where your
bong is?" bumper stickers on my brand new Toyota Four Runner, and my baseball cap with the
marijuana leaf on it, and just to be a snot, I'd have a Dare sticker on my back window, and I would constantly be talking on my three hundred dollar micro-mini cell phone.

Then when I got busted I'd chastise the cops for profiling me.