Shean, actually (poetic license for Schoenberg):

There are two funny men
The Best I've ever seen.
One is Mr. Gallagher, the other's Mr. Shean.
When these two cronies meet,
It surely is a treat,
For the things they say and the things they do,
And the funny way they greet!

1)       Oh, Mr. Gallagher! Oh, Mister Gallagher!
Hello, what's on your mind this morning, Mr. Shean?
Everybody's making fun of the way our country's run,
All the papers say we'll soon live European.

Why, Mr. Shean, why, Mr. Shean,
On the day they took away our old canteen,
Cost of living went so high,
That it's cheaper now to die.
Oh, I thank you Mr. Gallagher!
You are welcome Mr. Shean!

2)       Oh, Mr. Gallagher, Oh, Mr. Gallagher,
If you're a friend of mine you'll lend me a couple of bucks!
I'm so broke and badly bent, That I haven't got a cent,
I'm so clean you'd think that I'd been washed in Lux!

Oh, Mr. Shean, Oh, Mr. Shean!
Do you mean to say you haven't got a bean?
Mark my word as I'm alive,
I intended touching you for five!

Oh I thank you Mr. Gallagher!
You are welcome , Mr. Shean!

3)       Oh Mr. Gallagher! Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
Once I think I saw you save a lady's life!
In a rowboat out to sea,
You were a hero then to me,
And I thought perhaps you made of her your wife!

Oh, Mr. Shean! Oh, Mr. Shean!
As she sunk I dove down like a submarine!
Dragged her out onto the shore,
Now she's mine for evermore!

Who, the lady Mr. Gallagher?
No! The rowboat, Mr. Shean!

4)       Oh, Mr. Gallagher! Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
What's the name of the game they play upon the links?
Where the player hits the ball,
And you can't find it at all?
And the caddie walks around and thinks and thinks?

Oh, Mr. Shean! Oh, Mr. Shean!
You don't even know a hazard from a green!
It's become a popular game,
And you don't even know it's name!

Sure 'tis croquet, Mr. Gallagher?
No! Lawn tennis, Mr. Shean!