From the Office of the President:
Hold that candle still, Condaleeza, I can't see the paper:
My Fellow Amerindians,
It has come to my notice that a Mr Homer Simpson of Springfield Ohio, Ohio's second most notiforarious citizen, has spilt a can of Duff beer into the control console of the Montgomery Burns Power Plant and caused a serious power outage. The Department of Homeland Security will leave no tern unstoned to root out these beers of mass destruction and if necessary we will invade Canada (wherever that is) to prevent the notorized Reg brothers from copy cat behaviour in Toronto.
Borther Jed assures me he's lined up some good ole boys, Cletus and Rufus, to utilize a unique source of methane to get Ohio up and running again, I'm told there are enough old farts on something called the Mudcat, to power the whole of the United States.
As soon as we can get the power back on, I'll broadcast to tell you how to get the power back on. Damn, that hot wax hurts, Condy, hold the candle higher...
Brrrrrpttt, flash, bang.
Message ends abruptly.

RtS