I will refrain from conversation with any stone or concrete structure, particularly if white and cross shaped.

Should I ever be invited into the home of a fetching young lady with blue eyes and a pleasant singing voice, I will not spend all night just listening to her sing.

I will vet my daughters' reading material and hide any pots of black paint. I will not keep chickens.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will immediately get any promise in writing, or have a third person present at all times.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will recommend a good miliner and go out with the farmer instead.

I will require a test of paternity before babysitting.

Silver does not make good sails.

When I get my Mercedes Benz, I will not offer a lift to any of my so-called friends.

LTS