GIVE ME BACK MY FIVE DOLLARS

[Spoken]: Well, friends, I'm mighty sorry to tell you, but mens are gettin' mighty sorry in my state, in Tennessee. Now I'm going to sing you a song of a young man that's married three weeks and got a divorce and wanted the poor old Methodist preacher to give him his five dollars back. But you must remember King David and King Solomon lived merry, merry lives for they had many, many wives but, when old age overtook them, they became very calm – King Solomon wrote the proverbs and David wrote the psalms.

We decided to get married, my little girl and I
The day I bought the licence, I let my freedom fly
We walked up to the preacher, said yes to all he said
And if I had to do it again, I'd shoot myself instead

Chorus:   
Oh, give me back my five dollars I paid for a wife
I was a fool to pay someone to sentence me for life

The first month she was sweet as a melon on the vine
I thought it was my lucky day when I asked her to be mine
She looked so doggone pretty she like to've took my breath
But when I saw my mother-in-law, I darn nigh choked to death

Chorus

I took her to our home up east, I told her to see the sights
She'd come in about daylight, oh 'Where did you spend your nights?'
She bought out half the city, silk dresses and gold braid
I could have bought the Brooklyn bridge with all the bills I paid

Chorus

So now, young men, stay single for married life's baloney
It would break a millionaire to pay her alimony
Oh, single men, stay single don't marry you a wife
A bachelor's life is heaven compared to married life

Chorus

Source: transcription of Uncle Dave Macon 'Give Me Back My Five Dollars' recorded in Charlotte, NC, on 26 January 1938 and issued as Bluebird B8325. Reissued on Uncle Dave Macon 'Travelin' Down the Road' County CCS-CD-115.

This is an Uncle Dave original composition. Text checked against Uncle Dave's little songbook reissued by the Tennessee Folklore Society. It is now out of print, but fox4zero kindly made a photocopy for me.

For a song in a similar vein see this thread: 'Give Me Back My Fifteen Cents' (Binkley Bros)

--Stewie.